This new experience wasn't so much one that I sought out, rather it found me. In March Craig and I saw a newspaper article stating that there was a critical need for volunteers in the police department's Senior Victim Advocate program. This really appealed to Craig, but since you have to be on call twice a month for 24 hours, it would be more doable if we approached it as a team. So, we began the application process. After completing the initial application, getting references and completing an interview, all applicants must pass a polygraph. Mine was today.
It was definitely an interesting experience. I was provided a questionnaire booklet to complete prior to arriving today for my polygraph. This book asked questions that you would expect: Have you ever been convicted of a crime? Ever bought, sold, transported, did any of a number of different drugs? What traffic violations have you had? Ever stolen from your employer, etc. The polygrapher reviewed these with me prior to the polygraph and basically got the details for any "yes" answer. Then the polygraph started. I was a little worried because I tend to overanalyze things, so I wondered if I would get myself worked up over stupid questions. I envisioned me sweating over things like "Is your name Tina Cox?" Well, yes and no. I go by Tina, but my actual name is Christina. Alas, my fears were ungrounded. They word the questions so that it is clear that they're only looking for obvious falsehoods. For example, they would ask, "Did you knowingly provide false information to any of the questions in the booklet?" That way if you honestly forgot about a speeding ticket from 10 years ago, then you would not show up as lying, because you didn't "knowingly" leave it off the questionnaire.
The polygrapher went over all the questions in advance, so that I knew exactly what I would be asked. Sounds silly, but he actually had me "practice" my answers, so that there would be no stress during the actual polygraph. He would throw in obvious questons like "Is today Wednesday?" (which actually isn't entirely obvious first thing in the morning during summer vacation, but we quickly moved beyond that little hurdle!). These would give him a baseline for my "non-lying" biofeedback.
After the practice round, it was time for the actual polygraph. I must say, it is not an entirely pleasant experience. If you look at the above picture of Ben Stiller, that's a very accurate setup. I had two clamps on my fingers to measure perspiration, two cords/bands around my chest to measure breathing, a blood pressure cuff on the arm opposite the finger clips, and I sat on a pad that measured "fidgety-ness." My legs had to be uncrossed and my feet flat on the floor. When answering questions while hooked up to all this, you have to sit totally still. Keep in mind that the blood pressue cuff grows increasingly uncomfortable over time, and soon your fingers are feeling quite dead. On our first round of questions (he did two rounds, repeating each round twice, for a total of four rounds of questions) I made the mistake of wiggling my near-numb fingers. My polygrapher quickly reprimanded me (in a nice way--he was a a nice guy, nothing like Ben Stiller's future father-in-law). So, I entertained myself on the next rounds by moving my eyes (not my head) back and forth across both hands, observing how purple-ish the cuffed hand was becoming compared to the non-cuffed hand. I'm also just a generally fidgety person. I get itchy a lot, and I (probably erroneously) blame that on my alergies. I have noticed during church that I fidget/adjust/scratch far more than the average person. So, for me to have to sit totally still for the duration of the questions (it was probably less than 5 minutes per round, but it seemed longer) was pretty irritating--especially when I got an itch on my eyebrow.
The only difference between my polygraph and Ben Stiller's or others you've seen on TV is that the responses were all linked to a computer, not to a needle on graph paper that swings wildly up and down. I guess that takes a little bit of drama out of the whole ordeal, doesn't it?
After I was finished with my polygraph, the polygrapher asked me "How do you think you did?" I told him I thought I did fine, and he said, "Yep, you did." So, sorry to disappoint you all, but I've committed no horrendous crimes in my past that I just managed to keep secret all these years!
It wasn't a bad experience, but if it is the only polygraph I take during my lifetime, I'll be jsut fine with that.
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